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06 June 2011 @ 11:47 am

Sorry its been forever. I haven't had a computer or internet until I got this new phone. I'm back in virginia now. Me and the bf broke up. We both felt trapped in fl. Having no friends can be stressful. But we r staying in seperate places now. We r going to try dating because we never got to do that. We were long distance and then lived together. But I also feel like if it didnt work before it wont now.

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.

16 May 2011 @ 09:38 am
I have had a sore throat since friday. I have cut back on smoking like 10 cigs a day to 2. I have been drinking tea and even taken allergy pills.
It was better yesterday, but I woke up day and I cant even swallow without being in pain.
so im at work trying not to fall asleep and dying from my throat.

please let today go fast
13 May 2011 @ 09:49 am
Im so worried about going home and not being able to get the a place. My credit is horrible, and I still owe money like 1,500 to  a past landlord. So anyone who wants refernces or credit score, will basically kill us. I will also prob be making the most money out of anyone, so that will hurt us me not being on the lease. So idfk. I want a fuckin nice place, I dont want to live in the ghetto, and worry about being robbed or raped. I know I messed up my credit, but I was trying to survive and take care of my siblings after my parents death. I was young and I screwed up. I also havent had da extra dollar to my name to even think about paying back the judgment from the landlord. I also have my school loan company harrasing the hell out of me. I hate money stress.hate hate hate. I just pray and hope that we will geta  break. I really dont want to live in fear or a slum place. I want to live better than that. I want nice things, and to feel safe.

On another note, the new girl at work is so sweet. I didnt think it at first, but we have a lot in common. I should of known better than to judge a book by its cover. (I just didnt think we would be as close as we have become). Its nice to have a friendly face, considering when I first started the other girl who is now gone, told me to keep my head down and trust no one. Ha. The girl who replaced evil, was nice the first week, and when she went to another floor.  Since she went back up, she barely talks to me, and had the nerve to say I was acting different.

Cant wait to go home...kinda

The mirror

What girl looks inside a mirror and sees her real beauty? I keep looking into this reflective decoration hoping to find what everyone else tells me. Gorgeous, One of a kind, Beautiful, what anyone would want to see. As I glance I only become more disgusted with what I see. I want to rip off my flesh layer by layer and let new skin grow. Be a creature no one dares seek out, maybe then they will see what I see. A girl not worthy of love or even happiness. I seem to get lost in my eyes, staring into a whirlpool of green. Seconds turn into minutes, as I keep staring, finally I break glance and shake my head backing away. I feel dizzy, light headed. Can’t focus, I grab onto the wall but its to late. I fall banging my head onto the bathtub, sending me into a dark abyss. The darkness surrounds me, I feel lighter than air. Everything is so crisp and magical. A ribbon of blue comes into vision swirling around me, dancing in my newfound world. I’m happy for the first time. Colors keep swirling around me forming a new world right before my eyes. It’s a field full of beautiful red and purple flowers. A huge tree with a swing pops out of nowhere. Its like my dreams are becoming reality. I run towards the tree, but I stop suddenly. Everything is becoming static. I can hear someone 1…2…3…. Come on, we can still save her..1…2…all I can see is white. My focus starts coming back slowly and my head is throbbing with pain. I can see two men above me, both looking relieved. “Whats..” before I can finish, one man silences me, “Its ok little darling, you hit your head pretty hard, gashed it too . Your landlady found ya, lucky girl, she saved your life.” They lift me out to the ambulance, and all I can think of is that tree, and how I was so close to happiness. Maybe next time, I can stay.
09 May 2011 @ 09:18 am
My mawmaw (grandma) passed away friday. I wont be able to go to the funeral. I am going to try and go up before I go back to virginia. its further away, but this way I can pay my last respects. My mother is buried in the same place, so I dont want to be around all those people. I am not close with any of them. I wish I had took the time to talk more with my mawmaw, but I was so hurt by my mothers death, and she always wanted to talk about her. I wish I had had trhe strength and not the anger to talk to her. About 3 months ago I called and apolgized and talked to her. Then a couple weeks ago she was bad, barely could talk  or eat. It broke my heart, but I got to tell her I love her.
03 May 2011 @ 08:58 am

Im so friggin excited!
Me and my bf talked ablot last night. About how his coworker has not talked to us in two weeks. How much florida sucks. How much he hates his job. How boring my job is. We have a plan! Im super excited and happy. We are going home <3

p.s. tyler dont tell anyone. I want to surprise them. Im trusting you with this. dont tell anyone
Current Mood: happyhappy
02 May 2011 @ 01:02 pm
I really hope I get hired on, so I can get insurance.
I need something for anxiety, I feel so worked up on the inside. Little things will just drive me crazy..

On the otherside I dont trust doctors, or medications. Doctors spend five minutes and give you whatever is popular. Medications are made with such poor quality and since Im working on a lawsuit against a medication, Im very leary. I dont trust that shit.

Maybe there is a natural remedy.
I got to research.
02 May 2011 @ 12:59 pm
Im addicted to the food network.
I need a kitchen to cook agian, damnit!

The guy we are supposed to move in with, still has not called us back. Its only been a week, but supposebly they had to find a place by 5/1/11. Maybe they got one without us. We shall see how that goes. Me and my bf keep debating living with them anyways. I want our own place, because I dont know these guys. Denver only knows them through work. However it would be way cheaper with roommates. Im trying to be patient, but living in a hotel sucks.

I gave plasma this weekend. I really did not want to, it just seems weird. Im not a super fan of being hooked up to a machine, while my plasma and blood is being sucked out. I felt like a  hooker for plasma. Being a hooker ment I got to eat this weekend though. I need to get a different mindset about it, because we need the money. Im hoping next time wont be so awkward.
Current Mood: groggygroggy